The SMUT:RESTRAINED BLOG HOP is happening at the moment and ends of the 27th. It’s being brought to us by the lovely people at Smut.Uk. This is the first time I’ve ever taken part in something like this and as you’ll see in the review before it’s my first real venture into the exciting world of restraint. As a special addition to this blog post make sure and follow the link above to see what the other amazing bloggers have to say!!
As a special offer to tie into this event www.nicennaughty.co.uk are offering 2 vouchers for their website! The rules are simple – The first person to post a small review of a restraint they’ve used in the past and share the link to this blog will get a £30 voucher to spend on the website and the second to do the same will get a £20 voucher. Winners will be notified by the 31st of January. Now without further ado – onto the review!
A life time ago I watched an amazing movie called “Preaching to the Perverted”; it’s an amazing movie and I actually owned it on VHS! (that’s how I know it was forever ago!) The movie really shaped my view on a lot of things namely fetish and S+M. Obviously because it’s a movie everything is exaggerated but being a younger and somewhat friskier 18 year old I thought it was HOT! I didn’t fully understand what the hell was going on in a lot of the more fetish orientated scenes but all I knew was that I thought everything happening was horny as hell! It was one of my most watched Summer Movie of whatever year I was 18 in, (I’ve been 25 for about 6 years now so I have no actual concept of time). However the partner I was with at the time labeled it all as disgusting, dirty and freaky. We broke up not long after, nothing to do with his film reviews to be fair, he was just wasn’t the right fit for me. However his words stayed with me for a very long time – and it took me years to get over the idea that something that had interested me so much was viewed as freaky or weird.
After doing the review for the Electro Pebble, I could feel a bit of the shame I had over being interested in the more “unconventional” aspects of sex. So when I got asked to review the Rouge Leg Spreader Bar with Leather Ankle Cuffs it felt like the universe was sending me a sign to get the hell over it!
I received the bar and first impressions of it were “WOW!!” followed by a little slither of fear because I was once again venturing into the unknown. For the uninformed a spreader bar is a metal bar with two cuffs at either end designed to keep the legs spread wide. It does look like it means business and before I jumped into the deep end I sat down with The Hubby and spoke to him about what I was thinking and feeling about doing the review. Strangely I was a little scared and when I explained to him that whilst I really wanted to, I was really apprehensive about trying something like this and for reasons unknown even to me, it was stressing me out a little bit. After a chat we established some ground rules about what was going to happen and more importantly we set up a safe word so that if it got too much for me I could stop the play straight away. (Cher was safe word btw – because you know – I’m not quite gay enough.)
The Rouge Leg Spreader Bar with Leather Ankle Cuffs is actually a really nice looking spreader bar. The steel bar is 30 inches in length and the cuffs are made of really high quality black leather. The inside is quite soft and after wearing for a while I didn’t notice any chaffing of discomfort. The price is really good as well, meaning it won’t break the bank and handily the cuffs are removable so you can use them in other forms of play.
So what is the actual point of wearing a spreader bar? Well aside from keeping your legs wide open and restricting your movements it can be really fun in a few different ways;
- Useful to help restrict movement
- The bar can be used to help get into different positions which is really helpful, if like me, you have zero flexibility.
- You can use additional cuffs and tie them to the bar to help further restraint.
It can also be a very useful tool to help you get into “sub-space” which is something I found when using this. As soon as I put them on I realized that I was restrained and this meant I had to submit to The Hubby until he took them off or I said the safe word. The way we played when I was wearing them was very different to how we’ve played in the past whether we’ve used toys or if it’s just been straight forward sex. As the play went on I noticed that I was getting much more into it than I ever thought I would, all my fears and hang ups I had about wanting to venture down the path into bondage and restraint melted away and I was only aware of my partner. He felt that he had the power as I was the one restrained but I’ve never felt so empowered in my life. I knew I could stop this at any second but I didn’t want to. I had the power and whilst this was very erotic, the feel of the cuffs on my ankles and the difficulty I had in moving meant I had to surrender that power to my husband. The whole experience of using the spreader bar changed the way we were playing and after a very long play we were both smiling like the Cheshire cat afterwards.
Once we were decent again, I felt closeness to someone I’ve been with for 15 years, and I asked him about his thoughts on the experience. It was something he wanted to examine further and confessed that he had felt like a very different person during the session and told me that he felt closer to me afterwards than he had during any other play we’ve had. I replied that I felt the same way, I felt more powerful because I had done something so far removed from my comfort zone that I’d had a near melt down before trying it, but now looking back I am so glad that I dealt with my own personal hang ups regarding the item of fetish, bondage and restraint play.
This whole review is of course, only how I felt and I would like to remind anyone that if you are going to play with someone to ensure that you respect both you and your partner’s limits. I had a very enjoyable experience because there was ground work put into place beforehand. We had set limits – we had established a safe word and we both knew the roles we were going to be playing. I do encourage everyone to step outside their comfort zone every once in a while as the results might surprise you, but do so only at your own pace.
My final word on this is simple – just be you and enjoy yourself and if you get the chance- watch Preaching To The Perverted. It might just change how you view your own sexuality. Oh and for those wondering how I feel about those hang ups? In the words of Adore –